I've Been Feeling Down About Reading & Blogging: A Word Vomit Session

Thursday, August 22, 2019

I'm not sure what it is about this reading year, but I've been feeling so down about how little reading I've done this year. It's been an extraordinarily busy year for me with it being my first year of the doctoral program. A good chunk of my time was spent stressing over and studying for my qualifying exams. I know that I had much more important things to concern myself with, but my stupid brain keeps getting hung over the fact that I'm barely reading anymore. It makes me sad. I know it's an irrational feeling, but for so long, reading has been my only hobby. This means with me not reading as much, I'm just spending time stressing over anything and everything. Yes, I know, I probably need to find another hobby but I'm too much of a homebody/introvert who is comfortable doing one thing.

Despite all those meh feelings about reading, upon reflection, I have found that this year has been one of my favorite and most fulfilling reading years. It may sound like I am contradicting myself here, but even though my reading speed is half of what it was last year, I've read more books that I love. In fact, a good majority of the books I've read have been 4+ stars. Also, there have been much more memorable books for me and much fewer DNFs (I think I've had 3 of those this year which is not typical for me). This really could also be majorly due to the fact that I have made a bigger effort to read books from authors of different backgrounds. My 2019 favorites list contains a majority of authors of color. I guess there's something to say about quality over quantity even when it comes to books.

Then, there's the other part of me that has experienced frustration towards blogging, mainly towards a lack of growth. When I was blogging with Nereyda, we would gain over 20+ followers every week. Nowadays, growth has become stagnant for my blog. I know part of it is because Nereyda wrote the more interesting and creative posts between the two of us. Part of it is also probably because I don't review a lot of YA titles anymore. It also seems like people are moving to other platforms like Instagram. I know deep down that there are probably legit reasons why this might be occurring, but it's still a sore spot for me. Don't get me wrong, I am very very grateful to each and every person who has taken the time to follow me anywhere. Seriously, I would not be continuing this if it were not for you guys. Everyone says, bloggers should not be stressing over blog stats, but it's hard not to care about them when really it's the only "compensation" you receive. Most book bloggers do not get paid or sponsored for the content they release. They do it because they enjoy reading and sharing their opinions on books, and whatever anyone says, growth in following/views are never not motivating. 

As a result, I've taken myself more towards Twitter, where I enjoy shouting about books and having more thought-provoking conversations with readers. Grace's recent passing has made me realize that I actually want to get to know my book friends better, and Twitter is one of the easier way to do so. Not only have I been feeling more of a connection towards the people I've known for a long time, but I've made some new friends who are avid readers, who do not blog. I'm not going to lie, it can be time-consuming, but for me, it's been worth it. Plus, it's been a really great way to learn about underrated books since bloggers tend to cover some of the same popular titles.

Anyways, this post probably does not make a lot of sense. It was just really a way for me to word-vomit some of my mixed feelings. Maybe you are feeling the same way too, and I know it's always a little bit better knowing that you're not alone. If you feel similarly or want to vent, you can find me in my Twitter DMs!

Do you ever feel down about your reading and blogging? If you're comfortable sharing, what do you do when you are having these low moments?
Let me know in the comments below!

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